2:30 minute excerpt from 6:50 minute video
Racing my own weight down an icy hill, pushed by two ghosts into the sunset, me in one rock, the equivalent heaviness in another. How heavy is the soul, and how do we physically disappear through our pasts, presents and futures? Sometimes you can’t even get out of bed! The captions are a blending of narratives: a recitation, or pondering, of learned facts as pounds of knowledge. This “knowledge” is weighted, maybe weighing us down too. The release is realizing the connection, or as Harry Dodge describes it, the magic between you and others is what grounds you. Without something to bounce off of you cannot be shaped.
Weight, dead, or still, or thinking, to remember a feeling, a hand holding yours, as it physically happens being held, pushed down, contending with the magic of another person. To be close!
INTO THE SUNSET
Because we’re moving along an uncontrollable timeline in the PRESENT,
( Point A>B>INFINITY! )
The continuously expanding PAST is PUSHING towards a finite FUTURE.
It's chasing after you like a globby monster and there’s nothing you can do about it.
It’s SO upsetting
You can chase it. Really, depending on how you look at it, on how your day is going.
Don’t jump off a cliff, but DON’T STOP MOVING!
Even laying completely still there’s nothing you can do!
"I gained a pound today. I think it was a pound of knowledge."
1. Racetrack Playa is barely a phenomenon. The mystery of the sailing
stones was solved “using the scientific method & critical thinking”.
It's way more exciting to believe some magical force pushed them & wherever they
stopped is A REAL DEAL FIVE STAR photo op for the WHOLE FAMILY$$$
2. Questionably, the soul weighs 21 grams. This is based on experiments in 1907 where bodies on the brink of death were weighed before and after the moment of passing. (Difference=the SOUL leaving the body).
(He also tested this on like six dogs, and since there was no weight difference at the point of death, it was concluded that dogs have no souls [biblical claim]).
((There’s a film based on this concept starring really famous actors. It garnered numerous awards and noms. It was okay.))
Maybe that’s why being asked to say GOOD-BYE to a body seems absurd. Unreliability!
Insides carve into a hungry cavity. Then floating because you’re lighter. Up Up UP!
I cried goodbye to my dog on knees bruised from carrying her into the emergency room and falling hard onto the linoleum with her laying in my arms
exactly like Madonna.
When it was a PERSON, I swallowed with a deeper gulp.
Gulp!
3. Deadweight tonnage is how much weight in cargo a ship can carry.
That includes people as much as bricks, or any random thing that has weight, interchangeably.
Maybe there is no weightlessness in death, no losing 21 Grams of SOUL (That does what then exactly? Continue to exist non-corporeally? Free slushies!).
There is just weight=ANYTHING
In a freak moment of improvisation, I shouted “I’M TRYING TO DEAL WITH HOW MY MOM IS HAUNTING ME BUT IN A GOOD WAY!”
“How about you focus on how you can do the same. Maybe try to haunt people too?”
Looks off camera. Outside, someone walks two dogs
who are pretending they don’t know each other.
“What are you thinking about now?”
“Well, I’m thinking about haunting people now!”
Probably runs screaming down the street
Being AT PEACE vs. being IN DENIAL
Acceptance isn’t settling RIGHT? TELL THE TRUTH!
Perhaps an ice cold glass of Fixation on Desire.
A cautious GULP!
Interviewer: So why does man accept to live and act? What drives his actions?
Simone de B: Concern for others, to a great extent, and for his own happiness. The two
are inextricably linked as we're all tied to each other and no one can blossom without others.
I imagine this alongside another exchange some years later:
Louise B.: “...The resistance of the stone is that I am unable to make myself loved.”
DK: “Are you saying that you feel you are unlovable...?”
LB: “You said it, I didn’t.”
Laying in bed, pulling the covers back. The sun isn’t
keeping you up. Having to get up is keeping you up.
The following moments of KNOWING that it’ll happen--that in less than ten minutes,
an hour, a day, it will happen--makes you indulge in another moment of laying still.
Depressing the bed with how HEAVY you are.
But SOON, you will propel into the big big WORLD.
You will need to be PUSHED, even after you’ve stopped.
A MENTAL NOTE: DON’T FORGET TO NOT STOP
“Less of a drying up of desire than a stubborn, if painful, libidinal slowdown or sabotage, a demobilization. The soul on strike.”
The soul as an “aesthetic organ”. The clinamen of the body.
Can we expand now?
Theresa Hak Kyung Cha’s White Dust in Magnolia's Narrative I and Narrative II represent the PAST and the PRESENT. They converge at the end into a single point in TIME.
BIG IDEA: HOW TO COLLAPSE INTO A SINGLE PLANE OF TIME
Like how can there be any understanding outside the self if the inner Living Breathing Pulsating is barely MOVING. Depressing the bed STILL. Falling into the FLOOR.
Just a bag of bones and organs and water. Bananas and oranges and wallets.
NO WAIT I REMEMBER NOW. IT ALL HAPPENED LIKE THIS I SWEAR:
YOU FEEL A PERSON. DESPERATELY AND INSANELY. A SOLID HAND THAT STOPS
MY HAND FROM PASSING THROUGH IT. HOLDS MINE BACK. AND SO FORTH.
I WAS BORN AND I EXIST FOREVER AND WILL CONTINUE TO RIDE
(Loop to beginning)